Homesick.

(source)

Lately I've been feeling homesick for Illinois. For the most part, Paul and I have completely loved our new home here in Arizona. It's beautiful weather, we have a beautiful apartment, my parents are nearby...the best you could hope for 4 weeks in. But over the past few days I've been having such strong memory flashbacks to times in Illinois – growing up in my parent's home, my 4 years at U of I, being 20 something single living life with dear friends, and then dating and marrying Paul there. And then this morning I woke up with such a strong desire to go "home." I've been weepy all day. I feel ready for this "vacation" to be over and to go back to where I am comfortable, to what I know.

But you know what? I don't really think that God meant for us to always be comfortable. He never promised me that I would always be totally thrilled with exactly where I am, and that I would always have my close friends around me. He didn't say I should just do whatever makes me feel good in life. In fact, many of the times I have drawn the nearest to the Lord have been transition times – periods of my life when I felt nervous or uncomfortable. Like when I went away to college, or worked at a summer camp where I knew no one, or the year I lived in East Asia and even the months that I was back home in the U.S. And I can't imagine that Jesus felt really comfortable living here on earth. So in all honesty, I think this time of mourning or feeling a loss of "home" is a really good reality check for me. Because I don't want to feel too comfortable here on earth. I want to long for eternity with God, for the day I will finally, truly, be home. And until then, I want to choose to be thankful for the uncomfortable times when I think a different situation would make me more happy, and remember that the only one who can fill me with joy is the Lord!

And of course I want to be thankful for my precious husband who has held me today when I cried, brought me flowers and chipotle for lunch, and spoiled me with (heart healthy!) dark chocolate and lots of sweetness. He is the best life partner for me and my favorite person to walk these days of life with.