Suppertime Confessions of a New Wife

When it comes to cooking, I struggle. There. I said it. I have to admit, that the above photo was taken with the full, prideful intention of posting about an AWESOME meal I prepared for my hungry husband.

It began on Thursday evening as I was driving home from work. You see, I'm still transitioning into the "I need to think about meals that will fulfill a 28-year-old man, not just a 5 foot 2 inch not-very hungry 26-year-old (think, crackers and cottage cheese, or a bowl of cereal)" So it wasn't until about 5:05 pm that I started to think about what we should eat for dinner. The challenge was, Paul usually works until 8 or 9 on these nights, and I had a night class that would go until about the same time. So I had 45 min to think up a meal and prepare it for our 9:30 dinner. WHAT?! Then suddenly, I had a stroke of genius! I would prepare a meal in a casserole dish – chicken, veggies, spices, potatoes mmmmm – and then have Paul pop it in the oven when he got home so it would be ready for our late-night supper. Holla! I am an AWESOME wife. So I got to prepping, even made time to take this lovely picture so that anyone who reads this blog would have no doubt that I'm a perfect wife! I read a couple internet recipe sites and decided to add cream of mushroom soup and white wine since we had both. I popped the whole thing in the fridge as I flew out the door to class.

Fast forward 3 hours and I'm back home. Ooooh! Smells good! Paul had got our dish a'cooking and I was hungry! We pulled it out of the oven and cut through some of the chicken to make sure it was cooked through. Yes! I got out our plates and served us both a generous portion. I couldn't wait to see the happy look on my hubby's face when he took his first bite! I was daydreaming about all the compliments that were about to come my way as I took my very first bite. And it hit me. Like an avalanche. It. tasted. terrible. Terrible! Oh man you guys. I was bummed. My sweet Paul ate most of his (well I'm not sure if it was out of sweetness, or just plain hunger!) but I just could not bare to continue eating my failure. I pouted around the rest of the evening and went to bed a real grump.

I like to think I redeemed myself last night as I made a delicious meal of spaghetti and meat sauce (thank you Jesus!), but that's not the point. The point is, as I look back, I realize that I was disappointed not because my husband wasn't enjoying a good meal (although I did feel bad) but because I hadn't done it perfectly myself. It was all about me me me. My pride was hurt and I really wanted it to look like I could do it all! Keep the job, the school, the house, the happy husband, the hobbies, the serving at church – all of the plates spinning and with no problem! But everyday God is humbling me. As I look around now, our apartment is disheveled and there are dirty dishes in the sink even though I spent all afternoon yesterday cleaning and putting things away. It never ends! But today, as I check things off of my to-do list, I want to focus on the grace of God in Jesus Christ and how I can bring him glory through my tasks, instead of meditating on how I can bring myself glory. Because my oh my I will continue to get things wrong. But that's not who I am. I am not defined by what I get right or what I get wrong, I am a sinner, redeemed by the blood of Christ, and that's what I want to meditate on all the day long :)