Around 12:30 p.m. I took my lunch break and decided to lay down on the couch and start timing the cramps. I was still completely in denial that this could be labor, but I thought just in case I'd want to have some stats if things progressed. At that point I was only mildly uncomfortable and the waves were about 7 minutes apart lasting 30-50 seconds. No big deal, it seemed. Looking back, it was completely obvious that I was starting labor, but for some reason I could not wrap my head around that in the moment so I carried on with my work day. I remember sitting on a conference call that afternoon and almost blurting out "I think I'm maybe in labor." Thankfully I recognized how inappropriate that would have been before the words escaped.
After I finished my work that day, I decided to take a walk since I had read that false labor would stop completely with walking. Around 4:45 p.m. I headed out to walk to the mailbox and time the waves. I was still in denial, although at this point they were consistently 4 minutes apart lasting 50 seconds. I still was not in any pain, although I'd say the waves were stronger and I was starting to feel more uncomfortable.
Back home again it became more apparent that this might actually be the real deal (duh, Mariel!). In my disbelief, I had chosen not to tell Paul anything that had been going on all day. For some reason I felt like if I told him, and then it turned out to be nothing, I would feel embarrassed. On another level, I think that I believed once I told him, then it was 'game on' and I just didn't know if I was ready for this really huge thing to start! When Paul got off work, he called and asked if it would be okay if he stopped at the hardware store. I told him no but didn't explain why. Haha! He arrived home and I sheepishly told him I thought I was in labor. He stayed so calm and steady which was exactly what I needed! He asked what I wanted to do and was so supportive of my decisions.
I decided to take a shower because I was fixated on feeling "normal" and feeling clean. At this point there were other signs that I was in fact in labor and I knew it was only a matter of time before I would need to head to the hospital. My waves were closer together, now 2 minutes apart and lasting 50 seconds. I called the on call doctor around 7:30 p.m. and he said the timing was good, but that I should wait until I was in more pain to come in. At that point I was still managing quite well, although each contraction definitely made me stop whatever I was doing to lean and sway my hips. I was concentrating through them and it wasn't that I couldn't talk but I would choose to just go inward and shut out the rest of the world. Once I had realized this was real labor, I had started listening to my hypnobabies tracks. I layed down to listen to the deepening track, but couldn't lay through the waves so I got up on my hands and knees to sway through them. I was using a lot of low moans and also the hypnobabies cue word "peace."
Finally around 8:50 p.m. I told Paul I didn't want to wait any longer and we needed to leave for the hospital. I knew we had about a 35 minute drive and I couldn't picture managing the contractions in the car if they got any worse. It was surreal pulling out of our driveway and knowing that next time we came home we'd be a family of three. I remember making note of that because I thought it was a special moment. Paul sped down the back roads in the darkness and I listened to my early birthing time track on headphones in the car. I really felt in control and although Paul said he was nervous because I was making so much noise, the vocals were my greatest pain management tool.
We arrived at the hospital and had to go through the ER since it was after hours. It was quiet and not very busy and I remember the staff being really patient with me – I was thankful. They kept wanting to push me around in a wheelchair, but I'd ask to get up every time I had a wave because I just couldn't sit through them. I had to move! At 10 p.m. I was checked in triage and relieved to hear I was 5 cm dilated, 80% effaced and -2 station. I was admitted! This baby was on her way.
Once we were admitted and got to our room the real fun started.
The nurse knew my wishes for an unmedicated birth, so she left Paul and I alone in our room to do our thing. She said she'd come in about every 45 minutes to monitor the baby, but otherwise we were free to labor on our own. I got into the jetted tub, hoping to find some relief, but every time a contraction wave came I would get so overheated and uncomfortable. I got out and continued laboring in the room. At this point, my memory of time gets really fuzzy. Looking back, it feels like it went by so fast. But in reality I know that hours were passing as I labored on. It felt like work, but it never felt like something I couldn't do. I hung onto Paul, continued my moans and "peace" cue word, bounced on the ball and otherwise just changed positions around the room.
As I entered what I now know was transition, I was bulldozed with an incredibly powerful urge to push. I ran to the bathroom dragging my monitor behind me and giving my poor husband a near heart attack. As I sat in the bathroom I started screaming "I'M PUSHING!!!" My nurse ran into the room and commanded me to stop pushing and to get back to the bed. I thought she was totally crazy. This baby was coming out now! Somehow she and Paul got me back to the bed and when she checked me I was 8 cm dilated. The end was in sight! I had a job to do, and it was hard, hard work. But I knew that I was the only one who could do the work, no one could do it for me.
I continued bouncing on the ball as the pain intensified with each wave. My urge to push was also increasing and my nurse confirmed that I was almost ready to push the baby out. She asked me to do a "practice push" on my next contraction, which was such a relief after trying so hard not to push prematurely. As soon as I did, I saw her press for her call button for the Dr. to come now.
Suddenly the room was buzzing with people as they prepped for Emma's arrival. I really didn't pay much attention after this. I just closed my eyes and went inward. It felt like my body was taking over and I no longer had any control over what it was doing. I was calling out to Jesus because just speaking his name was giving me strength to carry on. The nurse and Paul kept telling me to control my pushes and take small quick breaths, but everything that wasn't bodily instinct felt so hard! Thankfully this only went on for about 10 minutes until my little Emma made her appearance. I remember feeling her head come out and thinking 'this must be the 'ring of fire'' but it only lasted for a moment followed by the distinct sensation of the rest of her body exiting mine. I can't even describe it but even now I can remember what it felt like. I hope I always can.
Finally at 2:23 a.m. Emma was here. It was so wonderful! And it was over! I felt them place her on my chest and someone said "Open your eyes!" I did and there she was! My little purpley baby. I was in shock and Paul said I kept saying "What are we going to do with her?" I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that she was ours. She stayed on me for the first two hours and I wish I could remember them better but it was such a blur.
By 5 a.m. we were settled in our post-partum room. Emma was the cutest little baby I had ever seen – with her little newborn cap, all wrapped up in her blanket. They put her in a little bassinet next to me and I just lay in bed staring at her. And as the sun came up Paul and I just soaked in the beginning of our first day as a family of three.
Love you and love this story of Emma's birthday!
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