Micah Duerr | Newborn Session

What an honor it was to photography baby Micah less than 48 hours after he was born. The Duerrs are dear friends of ours and actually they were the very first people to invite us over to their home when we moved here to Arizona. Over the past three years we've added a total of three kids to the mix and it's been so fun to live this same stage of life with them.

Melissa graciously allowed me to visit them in the hospital and it was such a sweet, tender time. I was completely smitten with sweet Micah; what a handsome little guy! And it was fun to get to hear his surprise birth story and remember with Melissa all the joys and challenges of these first hours. But honestly, is there anything more precious than a newborn baby? I can't think of one.

Finding My Style | A Photography Journal

One of my goals on this journey is to find my style. I don't know why, but thinking about this kind of makes me squirm. It feels vulnerable to put myself out there and say "this is my work!" and I think that's because I have a hard time separating my identity from what I produce. Of course I want my images to reflect my personality and style. I want them to be something that makes me proud! But I also want to remember I am not what I do, or what I make. I am a child of God. That's who I am because the creation cannot define the creator.

Discouragement | Photography Journal

Yesterday afternoon I got my camera out and was feeling so inspired by Emma's cuteness. How could I not? I started clicking away and really felt like I was getting into a good groove. I finished up and with excited anticipation I hurried to load my pictures onto the computer to see how they turned out. And as I was clicking through I just kind of became more and more disappointed. These were NOT how I had pictured the images in my head when I was taking them. So many were blurry and not in focus and I found that I had often just missed the expression I had been trying to capture. The photo above was the only one that I was semi pleased with, and even it isn't exactly what I had had in mind.

These types of artistic funks are not anything new to me. I have always been a creative and have dealt with the frustrations that come when your vision is not quite expressed. It can feel maddening as if the idea is still stuck inside your mind but your skill is just not up to par to let it out. And truthfully, I have historically let these challenges hold me back. I retreat into the self-doubt and shame that they produce and feel myself believing that I'm just not good enough.

I don't know if it's because I've turned 30 or if it's because I became a mother last year, but something inside me is starting to fight back. I really want to handle these days, these seasons differently. They are part of the journey. In fact, they are part of everyone's journey! Even the most admired artists had a beginning. Just because I had a bad shoot with Emma this afternoon does not mean I'm doomed to be a terrible photographer. In fact, I want to use it so that it will insure I'm on the path to becoming a great photographer!

So, I'm not going to post a bunch of the bad pictures, but I do want to record what I learned from looking through them. After thinking about why they weren't successful, here are a few things I'll change:

Composition: I'm finding that I tend to get in real close for a tight crop. I don't always love this outcome though. I want to step back and leave a little more breathing room around my images. Even if I decide later to crop in a little closer, I'll have the freedom to do that.

Focus: My focus has gotten better now that I'm handling my camera better, but I still feel like it's a slow focus and not really very sharp. This bugs me.

ISO: I've been shooting on as low an ISO as I can, but I think I've been compromising my shutter speed too much – especially for capturing the quick movements of an active little one!

And as always, I want to continue experimenting with my angles and perspectives. I love to get closeup shots of her little face, but I want to also notice other details that will be special to me to remember in years to come.

emma jane | 11 months

 

Happy 11 months, Emma Jane! This past month Emma went on vacation to Sedona with my side of the family, started pulling herself up to standing, and babbles "hi!" and "dada!" Some of her favorite things are puppies, dancing, and being tickled. Our sweet little darling girl; we love you so!

Bath Time | Photography Journal

Last night I decided to get my camera out for bath time since Paul was with us and could keep a close eye on Emma while she was in the water. I love to take photos of her in the tub not only because she's so adorable but also because I really like the white surround and there's a nice big window on one side to let in some lovely light.

One thing I'm trying to work on as I get used to using my manual controls is framing a successful layout. It's definitely easier to compose the photo when I'm posing people, but that's pretty much impossible with Emma so I'm learning to catch the shot moment by moment. It's not easy! I think as I go I'll get better at setting up the composition though. I'm also trying to challenge myself to take photos from different angles. I think these are the things that can make everyday images eye catching and special.

And as always, I'm working on my focus! Some of these are spot on and some of the focal points are just a little off. I'm finding that my camera doesn't hold the focus well if I select my focal point and then adjust my finder. It just readjusts the focus. I'm going to have to check that out in my settings and see if it's something that I can adjust.

These were taken close to sunset again so I used 1600 ISO, f/2 aperture and 1/125 exposure. I bumped my aperture from f/1.8 in hopes of keeping both of her eyes in focus no matter what angle she was looking.

Goals | September 2015

You will never change your life
until you change something you do daily.
John C. Maxwell

I have all these ideas and visions about who I want to be. And for so long they've been hanging around in the back of my mind, taunting me that I'll never change – I'll never grow. I pray for change, I pray for the Lord to change my heart and my motivations but to be honest, I very rarely put forth the effort. I don't even give him a chance to change me!

Lately I've been thinking about this idea that small changes over a period time result in big changes. I want my days and my time to matter. I want the things that I do to have a positive impact over the course of my life – not just on myself, but on Paul and on our family and the people I come in contact with. But when I'm not intentional with my time, I find that it easily just slips away.

And so this month I've decided to do something different. It's not revolutionary, at all. Many have and do do this, but for whatever reason, it never dawned on my to write down goals. There are actual steps I can take to walk towards the person I want to be someday. And it turns out I just don't naturally tend towards these things. So here I am. Month 1. Writing down goals. Asking Jesus to change my heart! Month by month, day by day, to change me.

September 2015
- read one book: How to Win Friends and Influence People
- put my cell phone away while Emma is awake
- stay on track with my read the Bible in a year schedule
- exercise twice a week
- photograph Melissa's baby in the hospital
- in bed by 10:30 on weeknights
- book 2 photography shoots for the fall
- plan Emma's 1st birthday party
- begin facilitating Financial Peace with Paul

Some of these are simple and some will be challenging for me. They represent a lot of different areas of my life that I'm excited to grow in discipline in: spiritual, health, wisdom, motherhood, photography, socially, marriage...

I am excited to see where this takes me and I'm laying all these things in the Lord's hands. I pray he will use them for good and for his glory as they develop in my life!

A Photography Journal

I'm really hoping to improve in my camera skills, so I've decided to start blogging again and use this as a sort of photography journal. Onto the next adventure!

These photos were taken this evening just before sunset. Since the light was fading fast I bumped my ISO up to 1600, aperture at f/1.8 and I kept my shutter speed right about 1/125 since my little Emma is always on the go! I tried to keep her right near the large sliding glass door with a window on one wall perpendicular. In the past, low light has always intimidated me (with good reason!) but now that I'm not afraid to raise my ISO, I'm finding I can get a lot better photos. They do look a bit more grainy, but I don't mind that much. The other issue I'm trying to remember is that when I shoot such a wide open aperture, it's hard to get both eyes in focus if my subject is on an angle. This top photo, both of Emma's eyes are pretty much in focus because they are on the same plane, but the bottom photo her right eye is crisp and her left eye is soft.

Family Vacation | Arizona 2015

We had such a wonderful vacation last week with my family here in Arizona. My brother, Mike, flew in to town so it was an extra special reunion. He hadn't seen Emma since she was 6 weeks old last Thanksgiving! We had a sweet visit up in the mountains for a few days and then finished the week in the red rocks of Sedona. We enjoyed a few hikes, some delicious meals, early morning walks, a little window shopping and lots of reading and rest. I was thankful to have a few extra eyes on my little babe so that I could sneak away for a few naps - delightful! I'm trying to get better about taking photos and using my camera well, so this vacation was a good excuse to practice. And luckily I had some pretty fabulous subjects and scenery to capture! All in all it was so good to be together, but as usual it feels pretty good to get settled back at home too.

emma jane | 10 months

Happy 10 months to Emma!!

This past month she had her first ear infection and viral infection. We had a hard time watching our baby girl be sick but she made it through both illnesses like a little champ. Emma's now sporting 7 teeth, enjoys being chased by her daddy, loves eating peaches, and does a pretty convincing "uh oh" when she drops her cup. We love her more than we ever thought possible!

emma jane | 9 months

Happy 9 months to our little adventure girl! This past month Emma started crawling and she hasn't stopped since! We love watching her explore the world around her and I'm finding it takes a lot more energy to keep up with her curiosity these days.

The 3 of us had a wonderful trip visiting the Schmitts in New York and Emma has become a pro at cross country travel. She loved her trips to the zoo and Niagara Falls, having her picture or video taken all day long and of course the many fabulous meals we shared with the family (okay, maybe I enjoyed that more than Emma...).

The days are quite hot here in Phoenix but we have the luxury of being able to escape to the mountains most weekends and as far as I can tell grandma and grandpa don't mind that one bit. Still, we are thankful for a cool house with air conditioning here in the desert. And one of Emma's favorite pastimes is sitting at the patio door window watching the birds and the bunnies. So I feel she's getting at least some sort of exposure to the outdoors! We will all be thankful for the change of seasons come Autumn!

emma jane | 8 months

Happy 8 months to our dear Emma Jane! She loves peekaboo, sweet potatoes and pictures of babies. This past month Emma went on her first flight, met her great grandpa and learned to sit up on her own. Mommy and Daddy love you, little one!

emma jane | 7 months

Today Emma turned 7 months old!

She's such a happy little girl and she brings us so much happiness as well!

This past month she started sleeping all night long (!!!) from 7pm to 7am. She still occasionally wakes in the night, but for the most part she's been doing this for 3 weeks. She also started eating solid foods. First brown rice cereal, then oatmeal cereal, then peas and zucchini and tomorrow she'll try some avocado. Next week she'll get orange veggies and then fruits! Emma's not yet crawling, but she is SO interested in the world around her and scoots and rolls pretty much anywhere she wants to go. We love her so much!

emma jane | 3 months

Miss Emma is already over 3 months old! We can't believe how fast she's growing. I've heard that the first three months are often referred to as the "4th trimester" and I can definitely see how Emma has gradually become much more independent since her birth. I miss her itty bitty infant days. I can hardly believe she was ever so small! But we are really enjoying watching her realize her surroundings and interact with us more and more.

At about 8 weeks, I started to feel a bit out of control in terms of what her daily schedule looked like. I realized she wasn't sleeping nearly enough for her age and her mood and happiness were suffering because of it. I felt so bad because I know how important sleep is for her development both mental and physical. So with the support and encouragement of a couple friends as well as her pediatrician we started implementing a baby wise schedule and it has been so helpful to regulate Emma days as well as boost my confidence as her mom and full time care giver. Now, instead of wondering why she's crying or fussing, I can simply look at the clock and know exactly what's up - if she's tired, hungry or overstimulated (it's usually one of those!). But to be honest, she cries so much less now during the day since she's gotten into this routine. The exception is that she does still cry going down for a nap if she's overtired but she's usually asleep within 5-10 minutes.

Our schedule these days goes like this:

7:00 first feeding (this is our goal, but many mornings she is up at 6-6:30 so I'll start her day then instead!) Paul gets Emma and changes her diaper before bringing her to me. We snuggle in bed and she eats as the sun comes up and Daddy gets ready for work.

7:30-8:00 we "play" in my room usually singing songs and throwing around lots of smiles!

8:00 Emma goes down for her first nap. This is usually the easiest nap for her to go down for and she sleeps the longest.

10:00 is the second feeding and I often times have to wake her for it.

We continue this rotation the whole day so Emma eats at 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm and a dream feed at 10pm. These are all guide times. If I asses that she needs a longer nap, or if we have an appointment, or if she's hungry early, then I adjust the schedule as needed. But this basic rhythm has given us so much stability as a family. We love it and Emma has been so happy!

Now as happy as she's been during the day, she is still having some trouble with nighttime sleep. She wakes more often than her pediatrician says is necessary and she has a hard time falling back asleep. This has been a real challenge for us (especially at 3am when we aren't sure what to do and everything feels like a bigger deal!). I so desire for her to get a long stretch of restorative sleep, and I'd love to start sleeping through the night again myself. But I'm hopeful and optimistic that this won't last forever. We are so in love with Emma and are committed to doing what's best for her. These challenging nights will pass and then something else will be hard. That's just how life goes!

life with a 6-week-old

So many people keep telling us how quickly the time goes by with a baby. They look at us holding our little baby and say things like "I can hardly remember when my baby was that small." It always feels a little sad to hear someone say that because these days feel so precious to me. Yes they are filled with crying and diapers and interrupted sleep, but they are also filled with the sweetest snuggles, the most delicious newborn scents, adorable little coos and the tiniest little fingers and toes. So this is my attempt to remember this time – to capture the days. I want to be able to look back and have clear memories of what these moments were like.

I usually think of my days starting at the early morning feeding. Emma is usually up around 5 or 6 a.m. to nurse and as we drift back to sleep, Paul gets up and ready for work. Most days us girls will catch another hour or two of sleep and start our day around 8:30 or 9 a.m.

I'll hop out of bed and try to steal a few moments to brush my teeth and put in my contacts. It's always a race against time to get these things done as Emma is stirring in her moses basket. Then I'll scoop her up and take her to her room for her diaper change and to get her dressed. She'll start to get agitated usually as she realizes how hungry she feels, so I'll hurry to the kitchen to get my water glass and take my probiotics before hitting the couch for her feeding. I thumb through my phone – instagram, emails and any text messages as the Today show plays in the background. Emma usually nurses for about 30-40 minutes. After she eats she dozes on and off and I work hard to get a good burp out of her so I know she'll be comfy the rest of the morning.

We spend time bouncing on the exercise ball – Emma's favorite! We'll do some tummy time and maybe some bicycle legs as long as she's happy. I usually sing her some songs and we'll pray for daddy and for our day. Around 10 or 11 Emma will usually go down for a long nap. She might get 2-3 hours of sleep and I'll buzz around the house grabbing lunch, cleaning the kitchen, taking a shower, doing the laundry or maybe sneaking a little nap myself. It's funny, because I spend a lot of time trying to teach Emma how to go to sleep, and once she is asleep I find that I miss her so much!

I've been planning one outing or social thing each day at least 3-4 times a week. It's really encouraging for me to get out of the house or to have a visitor and I feel like it's good for Emma to have new experiences too. She loves her car seat and a car ride so we'll meet a friend for a walk at the park or maybe just take a long drive on the back roads to one of our doctor appointments. It breaks up the day and is so refreshing for us both. Other days my mom will come down for the day – those are my favorite days! And if we're not visiting with anyone, I'll at least try to get out and take a stroll with her around the neighborhood. I love that the weather is cooler now – 70 and sunny is just perfect for these things.

In the late afternoon, Emma starts to want to nurse a little more frequently. I don't mind because I love her sweet snuggles! We'll sit on the couch and I've been watching shows on Netflix. But I'm thinking about switching to Christmas movies soon :) Sometimes she'll take another nap but not always. If I can, I'll get dinner started but this is usually her fussier time. When Paul gets home she gets to cuddle with her Dad and we catch up on our days. She cries a lot at this time, so I'm happy to have him home for some backup. We eat a late dinner and then start to get Emma ready for bed. She gets her diaper changed, we put her pajamas on and swaddle her up. We settle in for one last feeding and she starts to drift to sleep. If we're lucky, she'll go right to bed in her moses basket in our room, but sometimes we have to rock her a few times before she finally relaxes. Usually between 9-10 p.m. she's down for the night. She's been sleeping 4-6 hours (lucky me!) before waking to eat, and then another 3-4 hours in the early morning. Sometimes I'm up a couple hours at night trying to soothe her if she's upset and can't get back to sleep. But for the most part I don't mind waking with her and I feel pretty rested and able to take on the days.

The Lord has been so kind to me. I love these days with Emma and I'm thankful for the gift she is to our family. I know I'll miss these sweet times with her when I look back on them, so for now I soak them in as best I can!