life with a 6-week-old

So many people keep telling us how quickly the time goes by with a baby. They look at us holding our little baby and say things like "I can hardly remember when my baby was that small." It always feels a little sad to hear someone say that because these days feel so precious to me. Yes they are filled with crying and diapers and interrupted sleep, but they are also filled with the sweetest snuggles, the most delicious newborn scents, adorable little coos and the tiniest little fingers and toes. So this is my attempt to remember this time – to capture the days. I want to be able to look back and have clear memories of what these moments were like.

I usually think of my days starting at the early morning feeding. Emma is usually up around 5 or 6 a.m. to nurse and as we drift back to sleep, Paul gets up and ready for work. Most days us girls will catch another hour or two of sleep and start our day around 8:30 or 9 a.m.

I'll hop out of bed and try to steal a few moments to brush my teeth and put in my contacts. It's always a race against time to get these things done as Emma is stirring in her moses basket. Then I'll scoop her up and take her to her room for her diaper change and to get her dressed. She'll start to get agitated usually as she realizes how hungry she feels, so I'll hurry to the kitchen to get my water glass and take my probiotics before hitting the couch for her feeding. I thumb through my phone – instagram, emails and any text messages as the Today show plays in the background. Emma usually nurses for about 30-40 minutes. After she eats she dozes on and off and I work hard to get a good burp out of her so I know she'll be comfy the rest of the morning.

We spend time bouncing on the exercise ball – Emma's favorite! We'll do some tummy time and maybe some bicycle legs as long as she's happy. I usually sing her some songs and we'll pray for daddy and for our day. Around 10 or 11 Emma will usually go down for a long nap. She might get 2-3 hours of sleep and I'll buzz around the house grabbing lunch, cleaning the kitchen, taking a shower, doing the laundry or maybe sneaking a little nap myself. It's funny, because I spend a lot of time trying to teach Emma how to go to sleep, and once she is asleep I find that I miss her so much!

I've been planning one outing or social thing each day at least 3-4 times a week. It's really encouraging for me to get out of the house or to have a visitor and I feel like it's good for Emma to have new experiences too. She loves her car seat and a car ride so we'll meet a friend for a walk at the park or maybe just take a long drive on the back roads to one of our doctor appointments. It breaks up the day and is so refreshing for us both. Other days my mom will come down for the day – those are my favorite days! And if we're not visiting with anyone, I'll at least try to get out and take a stroll with her around the neighborhood. I love that the weather is cooler now – 70 and sunny is just perfect for these things.

In the late afternoon, Emma starts to want to nurse a little more frequently. I don't mind because I love her sweet snuggles! We'll sit on the couch and I've been watching shows on Netflix. But I'm thinking about switching to Christmas movies soon :) Sometimes she'll take another nap but not always. If I can, I'll get dinner started but this is usually her fussier time. When Paul gets home she gets to cuddle with her Dad and we catch up on our days. She cries a lot at this time, so I'm happy to have him home for some backup. We eat a late dinner and then start to get Emma ready for bed. She gets her diaper changed, we put her pajamas on and swaddle her up. We settle in for one last feeding and she starts to drift to sleep. If we're lucky, she'll go right to bed in her moses basket in our room, but sometimes we have to rock her a few times before she finally relaxes. Usually between 9-10 p.m. she's down for the night. She's been sleeping 4-6 hours (lucky me!) before waking to eat, and then another 3-4 hours in the early morning. Sometimes I'm up a couple hours at night trying to soothe her if she's upset and can't get back to sleep. But for the most part I don't mind waking with her and I feel pretty rested and able to take on the days.

The Lord has been so kind to me. I love these days with Emma and I'm thankful for the gift she is to our family. I know I'll miss these sweet times with her when I look back on them, so for now I soak them in as best I can!

thirty five weeks

I definitely thought I was going to be one of those moms who took a picture every week with my growing belly and recorded all my symptoms and changes. But here I am at 35 weeks and I never really quite got it together :)

So anyways. There's some things I want to remember about the third trimester so far.

- Started feeling Braxton Hicks contractions last week. I think I was feeling them before, but I just didn't know what it was. I thought the baby was pushing me from the inside :) But they feel kind of like a combination of a balloon blowing up inside and that feeling you get when you go down a roller coaster.

- I sort of forget how obvious I look these days. At an event at church on Sunday night someone asked me "Is this your first?" and I looked at him with a blank face because I couldn't decide what he was talking about. My first time to church? My first time at that event? Then Paul answered for me that yes, this is our first baby :)

- I'm still sleeping quite well. Paul's getting tired of having the extra pillows in the bed though. He says I build a fortress between us every night. Sorry, babe! Love you!

- Speaking of Paul, he's been so so so sweet and patient with me. This third trimester I've started to get a little grumpy again, especially in the evenings when my body gets so tired and uncomfortable. I try to keep it to myself, but sometimes I can't hold it in. But he's always gentle and kind to me. Hopefully he knows this will pass soon!

- Some things that haven't changed that I thought would change: my skin has stayed pretty clear, I'm not noticeably swollen although I have stopped wearing my rings because they got a little tight, no heartburn, no pregnancy cravings (besides frozen water, aka 'Fro Wo'), no stretch marks (fingers crossed on this one!)...

- I can't believe how much my feet ache, especially when they hit the floor in the morning. My bottom half is definitely feeling the added weight.

- Oh she kicks me like crazy! Sometimes it makes me jump because it'll come out of nowhere. Her little hiccups are so cute, I feel them about once a day. When she's moving a lot I'll call Paul over to feel and she almost always stops when he puts his hand on my belly. I told him he must just have a calming presence. Hopefully he'll have the same affect on her when she comes out :)

- And my midwife said she's definitely head down and ready to go! Good girl!

I'm getting more and more excited to meet our little pumpkin! Can't believe she's coming so soon.

the june happenings

I think Paul's getting into a groove with school now. He seems to manage his tasks really well and has figured out when his best working times are. I'm thankful.

In the past 5 weeks I've only used the microwave for 20 seconds. We keep challenging each other not to use it and our food really does taste better reheated on the stove or in the oven. I wonder if we could ever get rid of it altogether? I like to think that we could. The more I think about the microwave, the more it doesn't seem all that great.

I'm keeping my fingernails short short short these days. I think they look the best that way. And I'm into clear nail polish for summer. It looks so healthy and perfectly compliments a tan. But I'm thinking before baby arrives I might splurge on a manicure and go bright red for autumn.

We only have two weeks left of serving in the sunday school room with the elementary kids at church. I'm going to miss those cutie pies! But I'm also looking forward to maybe sleeping in a little and a few more trips up north on the weekends.

I'm reading through the Anne of Green Gables series again. I've finished the first book and am on to Anne of Avonlea. They're just the most charming things.

The grocery had mangos on sale and we bought three! So far I've had one the past two days, will today make three in a row?! Probably.

I've started a cleaning schedule! It's changing my life. I think I'll write a whole blog post about this another day.

I love kayaking. I love being out on the water with a nice breeze and the full trees all around. It feels like summer and adventure and peace and refreshment all at once.

Paul and I have a date to clean out the baby's room on Saturday. I. can't. wait. We may even hit up Ikea to pick up her crib. There's going to be a crib in my house!

I've been thinking a lot about seeking simplicity lately. I love to look at Pinterest and design blogs and DIY projects, but it all starts to feel overwhelming. I want to live our life – it's a great one! – and not focus on what others have or can do. I'm still processing what simplicity looks like in our home, in my habits, in eating, in decorating, in my spiritual life and even as we look ahead to parenting. But I'm praying about it and asking God to give me wisdom in this area. It's on my heart.

Awake to the Cross

I read this article, Getting Bored With the Right Things, a couple days ago after our pastor posted it on his Facebook wall. I'm not always quick to "re-post" things, but with this one I did. I asked Paul to read it and told him that I think it changed my life. Of course, you cannot see the fruits of a life changed in just 10 minutes, but what I meant is that I want this to change the way that I think. And I want my life to look different as a result of my thinking being transformed.

I'm praying now over myself and Paul that "the things of earth will grow strangely dim," and that we will be awake to the things of the cross and asleep to the things of the world. This applies to so much right now. In our life and home, in our country and in the world. It is so tempting to be distracted by things that are fading away. I get worked up about things that actually will perish and I spend such little time knowing Jesus and passionately fighting for the souls of men.

This all made me think of the poem by C.T. Studd which was made known to me through the writings of Elisabeth Elliot. I made the little sampler above and set it as my desktop background to help me remember the repeating line throughout the day. The poem reads:

Two little lines I heard one day,Traveling along life's busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart, And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.
Only one life, yes only one, Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in 'that day' my Lord to meet, And stand before His Judgement seat;
Only one life,'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Only one life, the still small voice, Gently pleads for a better choice
Bidding me selfish aims to leave, And to God's holy will to cleave;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Only one life, a few brief years, Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;
Each with its clays I must fulfill, living for self or in His will;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

When this bright world would tempt me sore, When Satan would a victory score;
When self would seek to have its way, Then help me Lord with joy to say;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Give me Father, a purpose deep, In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e'er the strife, Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, 'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Oh let my love with fervor burn, And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone, Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, "twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one, Now let me say,"Thy will be done";
And when at last I'll hear the call, I know I'll say "twas worth it all";
Only one life,'twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

2 Years Ago

On August 26, 2011 I was:

waking up next to my future sister-in-law

enjoying a slow morning at Mary Jo's with the Jumps and Mom & Dad

getting a manicure and pedicure

checking into The Westin

assisting Kirstie with the flowers (she's a pro)

welcoming friends from out of town

visiting with Mom, bridesmaids, cousins and my aunt in my hotel room

setting up the centerpieces for our reception (and putting the groomsman to work)

wearing my pink dress with one shoulder and ruffles

walking down the aisle with Dad for the first time

rehearsing for our wedding

eating (hardly!) at Maggiano's

smiling big for lots of pictures

listening to sweet toasts from family

laughing and tearing up at my favorite toast from my brother

handing out gifts that I put a lot of thought into to the most important people in our lives

kissing Paul goodnight in the parking lot before he ran off to play whirlyball

having a sleepover with my favorite people at a super nice hotel

going to sleep for the last time as Mariel Unverricht

I can still remember so many moments from that day. I was so excited when I woke up I jumped out of bed to start the day. I felt like I couldn't wait for the moments to happen but also never wanted them to pass! I can picture myself sitting in the chair at the nail salon with the biggest secret, I was getting married tomorrow! I remember the smell of the hotel as I walked in that afternoon. Even now, any time we've walked into a Westin hotel (once or twice) it brings me right back to that weekend. I love how smells can do that! I remember sunlight streaming in the window as I floated around the hotel room doing my hair and getting ready for the rehearsal surrounded by some of my favorite women. I remember goofing off with Paul and his friends as we set up the tables for the reception and I remember hugging my grandma as she walked into the room. And I remember sitting next to Paul at dinner as we had probably 100 times before. It felt familiar and normal, but yet we knew it was different than any other meal we had shared and our lives were about to change forever. I remember giggling in the car with friends after dinner. I was light, and carefree, and peaceful, and giddy all at once! I remember not feeling at all nervous, which surprised me. I always figured I'd be nervous! The day was just full of joy and hope and love. Tomorrow I would marry Paul Schmitt! I would be his!

From My Office Up North

Today I'm working from my parent's house! Although this is not the home I grew up in, it still feels like coming home when I visit. Being with Mom and Dad always feels familiar and comfortable no matter where we are and I love that Paul and I live so close to them and that I can pop up for a visit any time. This morning, the rest of the crew is out for a hike so I'm enjoying some peace and quiet. The windows are open and I've even got my hoodie zipped all the way up. Bliss! The fresh mountain air and mild temperatures are so good for my soul. Thank you, Jesus, for this gift! So I'll just be here enjoying the amazing view from the kitchen table, sipping an iced coffee (my secret is a dollop of ice-cream!), loving the feeling of chilly toes and plugging away at my to-do list.

Falling in Love with Paul

Probably from the time I was 15 until Paul came into my life just before I turned 24, I spent a lot of time thinking about falling in love. What would it feel like? Would it feel like the butterflies I got when the cute guy in my study hall passed me a note? Or maybe I would know it by the fancy romantic gestures we would do for one another. I just didn't know! I knew what it sounded like in the love songs and what it looked like in the movies. And as I got older I saw my friends fall in love. But I wasn't sure what it would look like in my life.

Falling in love with Paul was not at all what I thought it would be. I didn't know on our very first date that I wanted to marry him. I actually didn't even really get butterflies. I was so incredibly nervous to go out with him and I really struggled with fear in the beginning of our relationship. Paul was so very patient with me though, and I knew the Holy Spirit was gently and lovingly turning my heart towards his. We were blessed with a season of romance, adventurous dates, love notes, talks on the phone late into the night, evening walks, flirting and butterflies. After about 6 months, I was head over heels. Was this love? I thought it definitely could be.

When heartache and tragedy struck Paul's life after we'd been dating 8 months, we entered into a trial like I have never experienced. Our relationship had to take a backseat to more pressing and important circumstances. But underneath the ash, God was doing something beautiful in us. It was through that period of sadness and pain, that Paul and I discovered true love for one another. We learned that our hearts were drawn to one another, that we enjoy each other and that we wanted the same things out of life. But even more important than any of those things, we learned that we must make a decision to love each other, and that sometimes we'd have to fight for that love.

A year and a half later, we were married. I loved our wedding day and cannot imagine reflecting on any other day with such affection and joy (although I'm sure the days we add children into our family will be up there too!). I was so so so happy to marry Paul and I knew from experience that he was a man of honor, noble character, loyalty, trust-worthy and that he would cherish, protect and love me all the days of his life. I was so in love with Paul on that day. Looking back, it was everything I had hoped for when I dreamed of falling in love.

And yet, here I sit, with two years passed our wedding day and lately I've been struck with how deeply in love with Paul I feel. A love even more real and raw than on our wedding day. Sometimes it almost overwhelms me and I feel as if my heart my explode! I had sort of pictured that falling in love ends when you get married. Like that's it! You're done falling. But I'm beginning to realize that I am still falling in love with Paul. This season of our love is not necessarily lavished with romance, nor is it being refined in fire. But these days it grows slow and steady – almost without notice. It's a love deepening by our lives being woven together. We are learning to live as a team, to grow together, to serve one another as well as people around us. We're learning to ask for forgiveness when we're wrong, and to outdo one another in kindness and to love and know Jesus together. These small daily acts, these moments of plain old regular life are cultivating a love in us so strong and deep.

I'm so glad that falling in love isn't what I imagined it would be. I'm so thankful that it's more than a song or a movie, and more than a mysterious butterfly in my stomach. What a joy it is that I'm not done falling in love with Paul and I hope, by God's grace, that I never will. 

Choosing Joy in the Desert

"It's been my experience that you can nearly always enjoy things if you make up your mind firmly that you will. Of course, you must make it up firmly."

That Anne Shirley is wise beyond her years! I love this quote from Anne of Green Gables because it is exactly the lesson I am slowly learning myself. It can be easy for me to get in a dumpy mood when I don't pay attention to what I'm letting my heart and mind meditate on. But in Christ, I can choose joy. I can remember the promises of God, remember the love poured out on me by the sacrifice of Jesus. And suddenly I am rich with blessing! It doesn't matter what material things I have, what my abilities are or where I am, I have everything in Him. Reminding myself of this today. And giving glory to God for the beauty of his desert creation. It is blazing hot. But God is good.

I Don't Even Miss You

Paul and I are making some changes around here. They are things we've talked about and let sit for a while. And I guess July has just been the month to act. So not only have I stopped wearing deodorant, but we've also dropped our cable and I got off Facebook. It's funny to me that these last two are life changes, but they really do affect our day to day life!

The decision to drop our cable was both financial and a choice of priority. Not only are we saving so much money every month, but we also found that it was so easy to waste away an evening browsing the stations aimlessly. Currently we are trialing Netflix and we find that we can choose a show, watch it, and then turn it off. One of our goals is to start reading more and now we make time for that before bed instead of turning on the tube.

Facebook was just starting to give me an unsettled feeling. I was overwhelmed with all the information and all the updates. It was starting to feel unnatural to me. Like how could I possibly know so much about so many people? Furthermore, I was also beginning to feel exposed. I wasn't even ever a big "sharer" on Facebook, but still I felt uncomfortable with how much of our life was visible to so many people. So I weighed the pros and cons for a long time. Deactivating my account means I'll miss engagement and baby announcements. It means I won't get to see all those cute pictures of my friends kiddo's and it means I won't be able to look through albums of friends I haven't seen in 10+ years (why do I spend time doing that anyways?!). It means I might miss some interesting articles, and even breaking news stories. It's possible that I'll forget a friend's birthday, or I'll miss an "invite" to an event I'd like to attend.

But on the flip side, I'm hoping it will mean that I'll be more intentional with friends. That I'll call or text or email instead of breezing their Facebook page and having the illusion that I know what's going on in their lives. I think it'll mean that I won't get "sucked in" to wasting hours of my week scrolling my news feed and that without the temptation, I'll get more done on my "to do" and "want to do" lists. And I'm hoping it means I'll spend less time comparing my life to 1000 other people's lives and humbly give thanks to God for all the good gifts He has given me!

These Sweet Days

I've been thinking lately about how sweet our days are. When I look back on the different seasons of life, I feel homesick for them. And yet, I remember some of those days, and how I was often longing for the next stage of life.
In college, I dreamed of graduating and going off to China; when I was overseas, I counted down the days to come home; when I was single, I longed to be married; when I lived at home, I hoped for a space of my own someday. The grass is always greener on the other side is something that I have mistaken for truth. I have bought into the lie that the next thing will be the best thing. That once this thing happens, then I will feel happy and fulfilled. Now when I reflect on all those seasons, I remember them with fondness, and I wish I had lived them all to the fullest.

This summer I've been purposefully practicing contentment. This spring I was struggling big time with being content and I was feeling so impatient for the next life stage. I felt grumpy that I couldn't have what I thought I wanted exactly when I wanted it. It was ugly and it affected my mood, my thoughts, and our marriage in negative ways.

But I know that someday I'm going to look back on these days with nostalgia, this simple season of life when it's just Paul and me in our little house that we worked hard for and saved our pennies and bought together. I'll remember

the Sunday afternoons watching a movie on the couch and falling asleep together
the evenings making dinner for two and the after supper walks through the neighborhood
dropping whatever I'm doing and running to the door to greet him after work
uninterrupted time in the car as we catch up, hold hands and drive north through the mountains
sleeping so soundly through the night
meeting up with our friends whenever and wherever we like
going to the gym together
doing everything together!
and probably a million other little things that I don't even recognize yet

These days are sure sweet. And I know the next stage will bring sweetness with challenges too, but today this is my reality and I can choose to live today to the fullest. To do this day well!

Today I am...

looking forward to watching The Bachelorette. not my proudest habit but I get sucked in.

defrosting some chicken for dinner. Still not sure what I'll make – but I know it'll involve carrots because I've got lots of those. And Paul is requesting some more veggies. I accept his request!

sharing some of my eggs with Melissa.

drinking lots of water on purpose.

going to the gym. I really have no motivation. But I've already decided. I'm going.

doing some research for Paul. He would like to start graduate school and I happily volunteered to collect the facts!

going to see if Paul wants to play a card game instead of watching television after supper.

listening to the Amy Grant Christmas station on Pandora. Less than two weeks left in the Minted Holiday Challenge and so far I've only submitted twice. I've gotta get crackin'!

dreaming of a weekend up north. It's getting toasty here!

Paul's 30th Birthday

Hooray Hooray! Today Paul is 30!! I love him so much and this last month we've had a lot of fun celebrating. Besides our trip to San Diego last week, I also surprised him with a party and trip to Disneyland about a month ago. It's been so great! He's a little sad about leaving his 20's and doesn't really like when I bring it up, but I think he's aging so nicely ;)

30 things I love love love about Paul David Schmitt:

he gets the hiccups whenever laughs really hard. without fail.
he locks the doors. i know it's because he takes his role as protector very seriously!
he has the absolute most wonderful blue eyes and super long lashes. Dreamy!
he never lets us go to bed angry. he's humble and so quick to apologize.
he likes to wash the cars and he thanks God for them while he washes.
he's patient when I leave water glasses all over the house. he hardly mentions it anymore!
he always drives, and I love to be the passenger.
his hair looks super cute when he wakes up in the morning.
he gets ready in the hall bathroom if I'm sleeping.
he checks for scorpions in our yard with a black light every night.
his favorite color is blue. if something's blue, he likes it.
he saves and waits and buys things we need and some things we want with cash.
he loves Duke basketball and gets super cute excited about it.
he works so hard every day and never complains.
he prays for me and prays about our life and the decisions we have to make.
he is kind and really good at keeping a conversation with people.
he works out and says it's for me.
he really really loves his mom.
he can't sit still through an entire movie.
he teaches Sunday School with me because he thinks it's important for us to serve together.
he likes to hug and snuggle.
he lets me decorate even when he doesn't understand.
he loves his friends. the first time I saw him really laugh was with his college friends.
he finds a show I like to switch to during commercials when he watches sports.
he drives the older car to work because he thinks the new one is safer for me.
he sings his words when he gets really excited or happy.
he likes for me to make his lunch every day.
he says "'posed to" instead of "supposed to."
he always looks so handsome, especially right when he leaves for work in the mornings.
he is mine!!!

I loved writing this list. It makes me fall in love with him even more!! I can't wait for him to come home!

San Diego Sun and Fun

We took advantage of the long weekend and headed for the coast! Neither of us had been to San Diego before so we were excited for a shared new experience. My favorite parts of the trip were:

a day at the zoo (I'm not usually a "zoo person" but this one was amazing!)
the ocean, sand, waves...so good.
eating gelato
Coronado Island and this hotel. we weren't guests, but the grounds were open to the public so it was fun to pretend!
being in the sun all day and never once feeling hot.
trying fish tacos. honestly I didn't love them as much as I'd hoped, but I liked trying something new-to-me.
getting a sun tan and a nose burn.
watching TV in bed – a special treat!

And next time we're in town I hope to:

rent bikes – maybe even a bicycle-built-for-two!
go to SeaWorld.
try fish tacos again.
stay closer to the beach – less city, more sand.
see the flower fields.
eat more ice-cream.
wear a little more sunscreen.
dig through some antique shops (although I may have to do this activity solo which is okay by me)

I'll be the first to admit that baby fever is in full swing in my heart. But it was so nice to be just the two of us and have the freedom and flexibility to head out for the weekend. I'm reminding myself to enjoy these days of just me and Paul. We are still learning and growing and getting to know each other and Lord willing we'll have many years with little ones ahead. But for now these are sweet and precious days together.

In other news, I've got some fun projects in the kitchen going on right now as I type, so I'm excited to see the outcome of those!

The Meat Fight

That Paul. My sweet and incredibly handsome husband. I love this picture of him because he's in his element. Heading down the highway lookin' hot in his sunglasses with a super cool expression and the mountains lingering in the background. And I like it because this is often times my view of him. He always drives because he likes to and I don't. I'm thankful for how we fit together like that. But you know what, we don't always fit together just right. Sometimes we clash. And sometimes that happens on beautiful days like this when I'm riding next to him in the car. In fact, just this week we had one of our clashes in the car and it was about meat. What I like to call, the Meat Fight.

You see, as I'm learning about good and whole foods, I'm wanting to make changes. And sometimes those changes will make a hit on our budget in ways that Paul doesn't want it to. He likes to buy cheap meat. Actually, he likes to buy cheap most things and finds value in something when he can get a good deal. I greatly appreciate this about my man. He's a provider and he doesn't like to waste or be foolish with the resources God has given us. I respect that, and truly I am so so thankful he is like this. However, it can be hard when we disagree about what's "worth it" as far as spending the extra dollars for better quality.

I feel strongly that it would be good for us both to make a transition to better quality meats. I am specifically alarmed by the hormones and antibiotics given to chickens and also the negative effects that grain based diets (as opposed to grass fed) have on cows meat. As we start to think about adding little ones to our family, my "Mama-instincts" flare up and I want to bring my babies into a home with eating habits that are healthy and helpful to their little growing bodies.

But Paul doesn't agree with me. Not about the part of raising healthy kids, but he doesn't agree that buying better meat would be worth it. He believes this is just a fad that I'm going through (and really just a "hot topic" right now) and not something that's actually important or makes a difference.

So where do I go with this? I love my husband and I know that God has called me to follow him and to ultimately submit to his discernment for the decisions in our household. I agree with this plan, and I believe that Paul is ultimately responsible to the Lord in this matter. And I trust him. But it starts to get difficult to live out when I really believe that Paul is wrong and I'm right. What then? My instinct is to rebel and to pull away from my husband. To withdraw emotionally, physically and even financially. Can I be honest? My first thought was to say (in anger) "Fine, eat whatever junk you want, I will use the money I earn to live this other way." Isn't that horrid? And do you know what? That is my sin. That is my ugly selfish pride taking over. It is no longer about whether or not Paul is wronging me, it is about how I am sinning against the man I love more than anyone in the world.

First I must repent. This means to stop sinning, and to turn the other way! I must humble myself and ask Paul for forgiveness. And I will acknowledge the fact that although this issue is so important to me, my marriage is more important, more sacred and more precious than meat. And second, I will pray. I will ask God to make our hearts right, to renew our minds that we would not be conformed to the patterns of this world. And I will ask him to help us, both Paul and me, to discern what is true and good for our bodies and what is not.

There are so many other things I can do to promote health in our home, and although this is still an important issue to me, for now I will focus on other habits and things I can change while loving and honoring Paul, my precious gift of a husband. I am so thankful I get to be right beside him all the days of our life – a true blessing from the Lord!