Falling in Love with Paul

Probably from the time I was 15 until Paul came into my life just before I turned 24, I spent a lot of time thinking about falling in love. What would it feel like? Would it feel like the butterflies I got when the cute guy in my study hall passed me a note? Or maybe I would know it by the fancy romantic gestures we would do for one another. I just didn't know! I knew what it sounded like in the love songs and what it looked like in the movies. And as I got older I saw my friends fall in love. But I wasn't sure what it would look like in my life.

Falling in love with Paul was not at all what I thought it would be. I didn't know on our very first date that I wanted to marry him. I actually didn't even really get butterflies. I was so incredibly nervous to go out with him and I really struggled with fear in the beginning of our relationship. Paul was so very patient with me though, and I knew the Holy Spirit was gently and lovingly turning my heart towards his. We were blessed with a season of romance, adventurous dates, love notes, talks on the phone late into the night, evening walks, flirting and butterflies. After about 6 months, I was head over heels. Was this love? I thought it definitely could be.

When heartache and tragedy struck Paul's life after we'd been dating 8 months, we entered into a trial like I have never experienced. Our relationship had to take a backseat to more pressing and important circumstances. But underneath the ash, God was doing something beautiful in us. It was through that period of sadness and pain, that Paul and I discovered true love for one another. We learned that our hearts were drawn to one another, that we enjoy each other and that we wanted the same things out of life. But even more important than any of those things, we learned that we must make a decision to love each other, and that sometimes we'd have to fight for that love.

A year and a half later, we were married. I loved our wedding day and cannot imagine reflecting on any other day with such affection and joy (although I'm sure the days we add children into our family will be up there too!). I was so so so happy to marry Paul and I knew from experience that he was a man of honor, noble character, loyalty, trust-worthy and that he would cherish, protect and love me all the days of his life. I was so in love with Paul on that day. Looking back, it was everything I had hoped for when I dreamed of falling in love.

And yet, here I sit, with two years passed our wedding day and lately I've been struck with how deeply in love with Paul I feel. A love even more real and raw than on our wedding day. Sometimes it almost overwhelms me and I feel as if my heart my explode! I had sort of pictured that falling in love ends when you get married. Like that's it! You're done falling. But I'm beginning to realize that I am still falling in love with Paul. This season of our love is not necessarily lavished with romance, nor is it being refined in fire. But these days it grows slow and steady – almost without notice. It's a love deepening by our lives being woven together. We are learning to live as a team, to grow together, to serve one another as well as people around us. We're learning to ask for forgiveness when we're wrong, and to outdo one another in kindness and to love and know Jesus together. These small daily acts, these moments of plain old regular life are cultivating a love in us so strong and deep.

I'm so glad that falling in love isn't what I imagined it would be. I'm so thankful that it's more than a song or a movie, and more than a mysterious butterfly in my stomach. What a joy it is that I'm not done falling in love with Paul and I hope, by God's grace, that I never will.